While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.
Darbi Worley
Zesty Lewis
Michael Gnat
Anti-Gay Marriage Group Director
While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.
Miles Monroe, a clarinet-playing health food store proprietor, is revived out of cryostasis 200 years into a future world in order to help rebels fight an oppressive government regime.
Luke Skywalker embarks on a mission to destroy an Imperial base, but is relentlessly chased by a group of fanatic girls who think of him as a celebrity. Meanwhile, Darth Vader engages a rivalry with Darth Maul, in order to prove that he's the best Sith Lord.
ZIM discovers his almighty leaders never had any intention of coming to Earth and he loses confidence in himself for the first time in his life, which is the big break his human nemesis, Dib has been waiting for.
When scientists use eco-terrorism to impose their will on the world by affecting extremes in the weather, Intelligence Chief Cramden calls in top agent Derek Flint.
A young man finds out that he holds the key to restoring hope and ensuring survival for the human race, while an alien species called the Drej are bent on mankind's destruction.
This instalment of Babylon 5 is in two parts: the first is about an entity that has possessed a worker. Colonel Lochley prevents a priest from performing an exorcism. The host is returned to Earth. The second has Galen trying to dupe President Sheridan into assassinating the future Centauri emperor to stop him from attacking Earth in around 30 years time.
When an alien race and factions within Starfleet attempt to take over a planet that has "regenerative" properties, it falls upon Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise to defend the planet's people as well as the very ideals upon which the Federation itself was founded.
A recently orphaned 15-year-old who has moved to a small town to live with her uncle befriends a robotic canine with super strength, x-ray vision and the ability to talk and the pair take on a military complex, bullies, kidnappers, romance and the world.
One night Jefferson Reed gets hit in the chest by a souped-up chunk of meteor. So he can fly, but he's scared of heights. He can master the information in any book ... for about thirty seconds. Now his friends and family want him to protect their community from the dreaded Golden Lords.
The unassuming, nebbishy inventor Sidney Stratton creates a miraculous fabric that will never be dirty or worn out. Clearly he can make a fortune selling clothes made of the material, but may cause a crisis in the process. After all, once someone buys one of his suits they won't ever have to fix them or buy another one, and the clothing industry will collapse overnight. Nevertheless, Sidney is determined to put his invention on the market, forcing the clothing factory bigwigs to resort to more desperate measures...