Frozen Assets

Newlywed couple Ted and Tami-Lynn want to have a baby, but in order to qualify to be a parent, Ted will have to prove he's a person in a court of law.

After a student at the University of Ithaca films his one-night stand with a beautiful sorority girl, he discovers one of his friends has accidentally mailed the homemade sex tape to his girlfriend in Austin. In a frenzy, he must borrow a car and hit the road in a desperate bid to intercept the tape.

An affable underachiever finds out he's fathered 533 children through anonymous donations to a fertility clinic 20 years ago. Now he must decide whether or not to come forward when 142 of them file a lawsuit to reveal his identity.

When an upwardly mobile couple find themselves unemployed and in debt, they turn to armed robbery in desperation.

A crook quietly plots his revenge against the boss who murdered his brother while working for him.

A collection of seven vignettes, which each address a question concerning human sexuality. From aphrodisiacs to sexual perversion to the mystery of the male orgasm, characters like a court jester, a doctor, a queen and a journalist adventure through lab experiments and game shows, all seeking answers to common questions that many would never ask.

Left on the doorstep of an orphanage run by nuns, three newborn knuckleheads grow up to be finger-poking, nyuk-nyuking janitors named Larry, Curly and Moe. When they learn that financial problems will soon force the only home they've ever known to close, the trio sets out to raise $830,000 in one month. Out in the world for the very first time, the three innocent bumblers become embroiled in a murder plot and find stardom on a TV reality show.

A nebbish of a morgue attendant gets shunted back to the night shift where he is shackled with an obnoxious neophyte partner who dreams of the "one great idea" for success. His life takes a bizarre turn when a prostitute neighbor complains about the loss of her pimp. His partner, upon hearing the situation, suggests that they fill that opening themselves using the morgue at night.

The brutal former heavyweight boxing champion Cleon "Slammin'" Salmon (Duncan), now owner of a Miami restaurant, institutes a competition to see which waiter can earn the most money in one night: the winner stands to gain $10,000, while the loser will endure a beating at the hands of the champ.

While doing the inventory for a lingerie outlet in a high rise office building, five attractive women are terrorized by a series of bizarre killings. They suspect that the strange janitor, who witnessed another series of killings years back, is at the bottom of the whole thing. Little do they know the real horror that they face in the end.